How many subscriptions are enough?

This morning I woke up to a notification from a budgeting app on my phone, urging me to start my new year with a pro subscription to their service.

This stood in stark contrast to the highest priority task on my to-do list for this weekend - cancel subscriptions and manage expenses.

I feel empathetic towards the builders of this app and understand that they need to make money to run their business. Nonetheless, I also feel frustrated with the growing number of subscriptions in my life.

How many subscriptions does one really need? How many subscriptions are enough?

At one point, life just starts to seem like an endless run. I am constantly running to make more money, so I can afford more subscriptions.

I think there's also something subtle here. Subscriptions, like their for-profit corporate creators are all about optimization. They're constantly telling me, "budget better. track better. live better." As if, I'm somehow not enough in my own skin to do life well. Honestly, what I really hear in what they're saying is that if I stack just enough subscriptions, my life's potential will finally unlock. And it hasn't happened yet, not because I'm irresponsible, but because the default mode now is perpetual upkeep.

Nothing ever finishes. It is never enough. There's always a "renews in x days" status.

This feels one of those moments where I caught myself mid-treadmill. Like I finally noticed the silent hum of it. I am not even angry yet, but I definitely just became suddenly aware. It feels a bit like those times in the gym with my personal trainer where I am just running and he's setting the pace.

I don't know what the answer is but it feels like beginning of a question, an important one. I hope that's a good place to be. Because doesn't the treadmill only win when I forget I'm on it?